Usual, in these blogs, I go on and on about the most current drama or things on my mind, but today, I'll be expressing it through another way. All I've got is a story to tell, based off...real...events, but I'll be using fake names as the characters.
So here it goes:
Kate, a normal girl, normal life, normal talents, normal story. She had long, luscious curls, a soft face, a pair of hazel eyes, and a shape she wasn't very proud of, but a face to pull it off. She had a fun, easy-going sense of style in her wardrobe and attitude, and she always came to school with a smile on her face. She laughed and she joked and she always had fun with her friends, but it was too bad she had a second life that she refused to let anybody know about.
It was a normal weekend, most normal weekend as ever. A bright, end of summer day, a pretty lazy day. Kate sat inside, like normal, updating her status on facebook, editing pictures on photoscape, and texting a few people from the comfort of her apartment living room. The TV was off but her iPod was blaring Breaking Benjamin and Carrie Underwood and few other artists inbetween.
It had been a rather rocky morning. The day before she had stayed up late after spending all evening and almost all night out at the field for her school's first football game, hanging out with a smallish group of her closest friends, and flirting with her crush who was in the school's marching band, and also telling her other friends congrats on doing so good in Dance Team and Colorguard. So when morning came her mom had woken her up rather early to tell her that her and her 'boyfriend' of some sorts were going out for breakfast and wanted to know if she wanted to tag along.
At first Kate refused and just felt the need to go back to sleep but after a few minutes she jumped out of bed, changed, and fixed her hair so they could leave. But as she waited for her mom and her 'boyfriend' - Eddie - to say it was time to go she plugged in her iPod and turned on her laptop and waited. After about an hour she went into the bedroom to ask what was taking so long and she found them asleep in the bed. At first, Kate figured they would wake up soon but when 11:30 finally crept around, Kate realized, they weren't gonna be going anywhere together. And at that she was already starting off the morning with an attitude.
At about noon Kate's mom took her out for lunch in town, apologizing for skipping out on breakfast, but Kate was still a little irritable about it and being woken up so early after her long night before. But as the day continued, Kate remembered that she was being forced to go to her Aunt and Uncle's house for the night because, once again her single - divorced - mother was going out with her friend Lisa and Eddie. And Kate, was not thrilled by it at all.
Kate spent all day trying to talk her mom into not making her go and she'd just stay at home while they all went out, but her mom wouldn't let her or tell her why. When they got home, Kate's mom went outside and sat on the front patio with their poodle, Cassie, while Kate stayed inside with her iPod and laptop, like always. A normal Saturday.
All day long, Kate's cousin had been bothering the heck out of her. "When are you coming over? What time are you coming over? Are you on your way yet?" She was ready to chuck her phone across the room. But as 3:30 came into reality Kate went outside to see what had happened to her mom, because she had been out there all day. When she went outside she just found her mom sitting on the patio the dog running around playfully. Kate sat down on the doorstep and said, "what time are you leaving?"
"Later."
"Mom, why can't I stay home?"
"Because."
"WHY!? You always go out and we NEVER do anything together! And then you do this! You kick me out of the house so you bring whoever you want around!"
And then some things were said, some tears were shed, and some people started yelling. Kate was afraid she was gonna get slapped when Eddie pulled up. She had almost forgotten her mom's plans to go pick up something with him from one of her other friend's house. So as Eddie pulled up smoke was coming out of her mom's ears, she yelled for Kate to get the dog and go inside. Kate ran inside, tears running down her face, but Cassie refused to come inside. Kate tried to call her inside but it didn't work so her mom came inside to grab a water and called for her to come inside, and started screaming at the dog, literally scaring both of them to death.
As Kate's mom slammed the door close she slammed her own door closed and locked herself in her room, slammed her face into her pillow and sobbed. I mean, she literally pour everything out of her. Her pillow was soaked, the comforter wrapped over her head, in hopes she'd suffocate herself and die, in hopes she'd choke herself with a stray thread and never have to wake up ever again. It was horrible, absolutely awful. The thoughts of the things that had been said running through her head, pulsing through her like lightning, like a strong impulse of pure suffering, pure hatred.
It made her hate her mom's friend Lisa even more. To think of the things that her mom and had said that she had planned. It made her want to chuck something or worse, take a knife to her chest, or an overdose of pills to her throat. A list of things she could do, a list of ways she could get out running through her head. Horrible things.
****
She still goes to school with a smile on her face. She still has a normal life, a normal story, a normal divorced family, a normal amount of talent. She's nothing special, she's nothing too ordinary, she's just Kate. But now, she goes through her life with secret lies, secrets she hides, because she's so ashamed to tell them. She's too ashamed to say she hates her life, that every night she dreams of ways she could escape, ways she make it all stop. She thinks of the reasons why she's so unloved, she's so...unimportant. She thinks of what she does that makes her dad get mad at her for no reason and her mom avoid her in every way she can. She tries to comprehend what she's done wrong, and when she thinks she's figured it out, she cries.
She cries and cries. She envisions herself in a better place, in a place where they only cry tears of joy, where pain doesn't exist, where there's nothing but beautiful light and pure happiness. She dreams of disappearing, of going to another place where she has a better life. Where she's beautiful, where the guy she loves, loves her back, where her friends don't back-stab her, where her mom doesn't abandon her every night, where her dad doesn't force her to do things that are unfair, where she has amazing talents. She dreams of a place where she's happy.
Genuinely happy...
