So has anyone ever just totally got on your nerves that you wanna just go up and punch them in the face? Its like WHAHA I just punched you in your face and now you're going DOWN! So much for messing with me you punk!!!! And those were the exact thoughts running through your head, but you knew if you did it you'd get into some MAJOR trouble?
Yeah? Well that's how it feels when you see your ex-crush walking down the hallway and he's still got those same beautiful eyes and that baby face that makes you melt every time and you just wanna go up to him and say, "DANG WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO BEAUTIFUL!?" And you just wanna punch the beautiful right out of them!
First of all, this guy, he's got these eyes, these brown eyes - and anyone who knows me knows that I am a sucker for brown eyes - and he used to have this totally luscious brown, swoopy hair, and it was like looking at a pimply side of perfect. But, I'm pretty sure I was the only one who felt that way about him...well maybe not...
Ok, so lets set up another scenario. Say its one of the BIGGEST days of your life? Like a big dance that you've been talking about since the beginning of the year? And this guy that you've liked since your birthday in November keeps giving you these little signals that you should ask him to the dance, and when you do, he turns you down flat, through a freaking text message. Ok, then let's say its the day of the dance and you're hanging out with a group of your friends and he's there, taunting you with every move he makes, and then one of your friends tells you that she likes him too, and she KNOWS you like him!
Well what the freak do you do!?
A normal person would say, "get the heck OVER IT!" But what if you just can't? You just can't get him out of your mind and you tell yourself you're over it but you're not. And he's in your two favorite classes, and because your last names are so close alphabetically you don't sit that far apart either, so now you're screwed.
What now?
Well welcome to my freaking world. My two favorite classes on purple days at school have him in them. I love science and he sits two seats in front of me, and in art, two seats over! I mean, when I see him talking to the girls he sits next to I tell myself, "oh its ok, cause I'm over him, so if he did go out with one of them, I wouldn't care." But the thing about it, I DO CARE! I FREAKING CARE!!! I wanna be over him, I do, so badly. I wanna go to bed and not pray that things will be ok for me, that I'm blest to know my happily ever after is coming and that I'm not gonna end up lonely and content with this. I don't wanna tell myself that I'm ok with being lonely, that its alright to be broken and forever stay that way.
I don't know why my first blog is about this subject, because all my friends who read this know what I'm talking about, because I've told them this a million times, but do they really know? Do they really get it? I mean, I ask them constantly, what should I do? And what do they tell me? "Get over it." "Move on." "It'll be ok." Yeah well you know what? RIGHT NOW ITS NOT OK! I can help pretty much help
everyone with almost any problem, I'm the advice giver, but it really sucks when people can come to you for anything and you know what to say but when you go to them nobody has a reasonable way of helping. Has anyone ever thought that maybe giving up is the loser thing to do and that's why I wont do it? Has anyone considered that maybe I don't wanna give up?
My mom says I should play hard to get and act like I don't care about anything he does, and believe me, I'm trying hard to do it. But today during art when we were taking notes in the computer lab and he laughed at me, I mean not the 'she's a freak' laugh, but the cute 'that was really funny of her to say' laugh, I couldn't help but smile. Sitting with my friend Nicole trying to figure out if the teacher was talking about football or basketball is a great way to get a smile out of him, and I'd do it anytime. Even now that his smile has been disturbed by braces, he's still got that very special look to him.
I honestly am trying to understand the things going through my head right now. I mean, maybe I should give up, maybe I shouldn't care what he does or how that affects my life, because really, he's just a heartbreak in the making and I know that from experience. But I believe that love exists at this age and even if nobody else believes me, I'm convinced I've fallen in love and its really hard to get over something like this.
But I don't wanna ramble on about boy issues when there are sooooo many other things going on in this world, especially the life of a typical teenage girl on her third day of Freshman year. Let's face it, its a tough life, and when you're gazing between the trees, sometimes the inner animal refuses to come loose. You just can't be yourself in a world like this. Let's face it, some people play football and some play basketball...
